Keyword: Craig Marshall Smith
27 results total, viewing 1 - 20

Show me the gore, I’ll show you the door

For unknown reasons, I have never wanted to enter the rhythm of a Black Sabbath concert, or walk down the mall with fake blood on my face, or a fake severed head under my arm. Maybe you can tell me … more

There are no words for these classic films

Silents are golden. (Microsoft Word is telling me there’s a typo in that sentence, but it’s not true.) Silent films are golden to me. Many silent films and directors and performers were great, … more

Name that tune, and win a chance to be quoted without compensation

“Without music, life would be a mistake.” That’s what German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, and he didn’t even have a chance to hear Pink Floyd. Or Philip Glass, This Mortal Coil, the … more

The object is to name objectionable objects

It’s no contest, but if it were a contest, what inanimate object would get your vote for “Most Likely to Exasperate” you to the point of expressions that cannot be printed here? Note: Naming a … more

Farewell to laundromats is a wash come true

I just washed a load of colors and had a particularly gruesome flashback to a time when I didn’t own a washing machine. I didn’t own a washing machine until I was 33. I depended upon the ones in … more

Check out groceries, human scenery, and emotionally

“Place the item in the bag.” “Place the item in the bag.” How many times could you hear “Place the item in the bag” before losing your mind? This is an ode to the 21st-century American … more

You only get one life, but hey, no pressure

“September Song” is a song. While the title has always been perplexing to me (why wasn’t it called “September”), the metaphor implied in it never has been, although when I first understood … more

Artists collaborate on pieces in show

“Meyerose and Smith: Collaborations” will run Aug. 30 to Oct. 30 at the PACE Center’s gallery at 20000 Pikes Peak Ave. in Parker. It features 12 collaborative paintings by Jennifer Meyerose and … more

Want to be a mermaid? Fin, have it your way

I just heard about something called “mermaiding.” It’s been around for a while, but I do my best to stay out of touch, partly because some of these things come and go almost overnight. The … more

Views from an expert in the laughingstock market

I could give a two-day seminar on the No. 2 pencil, but I couldn’t have an intelligent two-minute conversation about the stock market. Those words — “stock market” — have intimidated me … more

The last, final diatribe on an unneeded, unnecessary word

I, like, give up. Once a year for the past eight years, I have written a column about the extra-grammatical use of the word “like” and its part in the ruination of the English language. Each … more

Guys, please stop wearing clown shoes with cleats

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey may have gone out of business, but there are still plenty of clowns to go around. They perform in the National Football League, and provide adoring fans with … more

All joking aside, brace yourself for puns

When Chopin — one of my favorites — died, he began to decompose. No one is born with a sense of humor, and you can’t order one online. Some people are funny and some people aren’t. Some … more

Place of shelter shouldn’t become place to swelter

Former talk show host Dick Cavett said he saw Groucho Marx on the streets of New York, and told him he was a big fan. Marx said, “If it gets any hotter, I’m going to need a big fan.” After 22 … more

Well, as it turns out, there is an ‘I’ in team

There’s only one of me (you’ll be happy to know), but from now on I want to be thought of as Team Craig. Calling yourself or yourselves a team is the latest and the greatest, and I don’t want … more

Shades of gray look a lot less shady

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. The day I found my first gray hairs, I thought I’d dye. Today’s essay is about gray hair. I like gray hair. Americans are not allowed to grow older gracefully. … more

When it comes to love stories, bibliophilia is one for the books

I have books on shelves in two rooms that I will never read from cover to cover again. I keep them because they are some of my dearest friends. What’s on someone’s bookshelves tells a lot about … more

Concentrated innuendo brings about maximum effectiveness

Six words may not seem like a lot, but think of the evocations of “I love you. Or do I?” You have a story, complete with conflict. Entries in the six-word story contest came from California, … more

Hey kids, life is nice without that device

I was standing at the crossroads a few years ago. Along came a fellow with a guitar. Said his name was Robert Johnson and that he had something to sell, but not to me. I told him, “Me too.” He … more

Peak experience is a case of aiming way too high

The greatest risk I am willing to take is grocery shopping in Douglas County on a Saturday afternoon. It is an electrifying episode of “Supermarket Sweep” conjoined with a dress rehearsal for … more
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